So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
