school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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