I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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