I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
