It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
