no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
