My hair reeks of homosexuality.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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