Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
