Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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