I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
