Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
