I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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