Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
