apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
