I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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