u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
