Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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