Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
