And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
