Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
