I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
