No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
