he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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