hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
