Midget sex pt 2 tonight
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
