I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
