She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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