I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
