this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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