I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
