we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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