He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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