So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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