When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
