As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
