I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
