Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
