plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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