WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
