She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
