Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
