Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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