Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
