Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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