just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
