Got a toothbrush?
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
