Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
