Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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