hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
