I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
