it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
