i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
